Behind Marriage

Before you read this article, I want to know your answer to the question: “What do you think of marriage?” “When do you think the right time to marry someone?” The answer to these two questions can be short, but it should be very specific. For example: “Marriage is the bond between two persons. I will be ready to marry someone if I have a steady job and a house.”
As a woman who spends my whole life in Indonesia, I think marriage is very important. It binds you and your spouse into one. It is the first step to build a new family. Before you want to marry someone, you should know not only your ‘prospective husband or wife’ but also his/her family. If you want to marry someone, it means you also ‘marry’ his/her family. In Java, there are families that still interfere with their children’s marriage, but not all. There are also families who let their children manage their own life. For woman: How if his mother likes to spend his money and you just find it out after you marry him? For man: how if her father has a huge debt and later you have to take the responsibility to pay his debt? That’s why, it’s important to know your girlfriend/boyfriend’s family too.
Men usually do not worry much about marriage. For them, having marriage above 30 is not a big deal. But, it’s different for women. Many parents believe that their daughter should marry before they’re 30. It seems reasonable when we look at the reality that it is dangerous for women to have a baby when they are too old. It’s a pity for women. If there isn’t any problem like this, maybe women also won’t bother much about marriage. To sum up, men do not bother marriage because they don’t have to and for women vice versa.
There are men that aware of this reality and they are gentle enough to propose their girlfriend before she or her parent even asks. But, I feel sad when I know that the girl’s parent needs to ask the boyfriend when he will marry their daughter. I think that a gentleman should have the initiative, at least to explain to the girl’s parent when he will marry her. OR He should have the initiative to propose her girlfriend first.
I feel sad when I know a couple who have spent their time together but marry another person in the end. Then what is the purpose of those many years of relationship? (You can keep the answer to this question for yourself).
It’s not bad when you find a better person which I always believe that we can find a better person to be our spouse in the end.


P.S. For me, I don’t ready to have a marriage now. Why? It’s because I’m still young and I still want to pursue my dreams. I want to get scholarship for Master degree because it’s needed for my major. I want to improve myself and experience many new things especially to survive on my own. I want to travel to many places (if I have extra money). Sometimes I dream of marriage life, but in my dream I’ve already had a husband who can support me in many things and I don’t need to worry about job, money, and house. I even dream of having my own business! And I hope I can reach this dream before 30.
My boyfriend and I have already talked about marriage and we decided to marry in 2013/2014. Everyone asked when I will get married and I’m bored with that question. There are also people who haven’t married but urged me to marry (how ridiculous, isn’t it?). I will be ready to marry if I feel that marriage can make me happier than now OR like I wrote above: If I have to (what a pity). But still, I hope for the best!